"I'm empty and aching and I don't know why"

This weeks top five music could seem a little bit maudlin on (with one notable exception!) but I like to think of it as introspective...(see the blog post below).*

1. Freedom - by Nizlopi. Another firm favourite of mine that is never far away from me listening to it. These guys are just lovely and ooze integrity. Yeah, they are all nice and middle class, but what they hey! This is a classic cool love song, and talks about the hope that a relationship can bring...and the adventure and the love...yeah, I am an old romantic. But then who isn't who loves music. It WAS my first love after all...but it's songs like these that remind you that music isn't ALL there is. The line "It's some song that's full of lies/Coming round to you late at night". Oh and I love the video for this on YouTube (follow the link above) where the girl comes up to him out of the audience and gives the singer a hug. If you think that all these guys are is the JCB Song - you are missing out on a great, great album - and the title of it is right. "Half these songs ARE about you".

2. America - Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel. This is a song I keep coming back to. Like an old friend that you can call up after weeks - months even - of no contact and then talk and talk and talk and talk...like you've never been apart. I love the production of it. The tightness, the perfection; the fact that there is nothing in there that doesn't...and the Spektor-esque fat-backed drum and the way it builds to be a wall of harmonies and waves and whirls. I love the gentleness of the guitar and the timpani of the cymbals.

But most...I love the lyrics. I first came across this song in the dying throws of my marriage, where they lyric "Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping/"I'm empty and aching and I don't know why"seemed to be a metaphor for the marriage itself...I was lost and alone - and I shouldn't have been...

3. Kids - MGMT. I got this album early on it's release last year. Listened to it and did the "yeah, it's ok", and then filed it away. And then my nephew got me and my son complimentary tickets to the Leeds Festival. And I read the billing and saw that MGMT were on. So I dug the album out again and listened and thought again "yeah, it IS ok", but not much more to be honest...and then they cam on stage...They were fantastic...and this song was their final encore. It was so bloody loud, and everyone was bouncing up and down and it was, for me, the defining moment of the whole weekend. Just bloody brill! And I got it onto my girlfriends iPod and stuck it into the SoundDock and turned it WAY up loud...and bounced around the kitchen doing the wiping up. And I was back there - in that tent with my son...and about 20,000 other people. The lyrics are bizarre but who cares...it's the whole package.

4. Pretend to be Stronger - Shoa. I found this band completely by accident off of Twitter! The lead singer started to follow me, and I followed her, and had a look at the myspace site and listened to a couple of their songs...and loved them. They are like a Damien Rice and Aimee Man's bastard lovechild. And it is LOVELY. I can listen to this over and over...with the vocals sweeping in and out. They are a local band to me (Birmingham based - indeed I even recognised one of the cafes they are sitting outside of in their publicity shots!) and I can't wait to hear them live very soon. Although, just to add a bit of confusion they have changed their name to Portland now...

5. Telegraph Road - Dire Straits. Why do I still listen to this? I started when I was about - oh god - 12 or so, a young but incredibly shy romantic, locked in his bedroom to afraid to actually go out and talk to anyone. I was schooled about 15 miles away from where I used to live (Catholic Eduction where I mostly learnt I was guilty - not quite sure of what, but guilty nonetheless) and consequently had few friends in my town. Hence I made friends with music. And it was the perfect friend. And we fell in love and I still love it. John Miles was right - Music WAS my first love, and it will be my last. I have other loves in my life now, but music...it's hard do describe and its a different kinds of love. And this song 14-odd minutes of it - it a symptom of it. Maybe I AM getting old, but with stuff like this out there -who the hell cares. It's going to be around for me, just as I am round for it.



*Hey I am going through LIFE CHANGING times here...I am allowed to be a bit introspective aren't I?

Pre-natal Angst...

At what point is it that you become old? I mean you start off as a baby (and babies are very much on my mind right now) and then you toddle...all of a sudden you are a child...and then a teenager (which is ALWAYS difficult). After that...you are a young person...but then...then...

When did I go from being a young person into whatever is next? And what IS next anyway? Middle age? I am confused.

Even though I try and stay "cool" and "down with the kids" I have noticed that I am wearing gloves when driving. OK not brown leather with velcro and a mesh/cut-out on the back, but gloves nonetheless. And I am writing this wearing a CARDIGAN. Yes it's a French Connection cool one, with a Tee shirt from H&M under it, but it's a cardigan. And the start of a slippery slope.

All of a sudden I will find myself with a pocket full of Werther's Originals, a flat cap and the desire to listen to Radio 2 and not in an ironic way. I already listen to Radio 4 and am an avid fan of the Archers...

What the hell is happenning to me?!? The slippery slope is taking on the dimensions of the Cresta Run and to be honest it's scary. And I think all this has come out of the big news at the moment - as my third child will be born in the next few days...It's my girl-friends first, but I already have a 17 year old son and a 13 year old daughter - great for baby-sitting admittedly, but it all just makes me feel...OLD.

The writing of this is cathartic, and good for me. Cos in the grand scheme of things I am not old. I am "only" 39. It'll be lovely and cool and I actually can't wait to meet the little girl that is currently wriggling around inside my girl-friends bump. I am in a good place in my life - in my career, in my finances. It all looks really good for the future and I can't wait to face whatever the adventure of a new baby will bring. But most of all I think it will be a good thing that will keep me young. Even if I am old in age.

Just cos I listen to Radio 4 and wear a cardigan now and again - it doesn't mean I have to give up and act my age - I can - and will be a cool dad. The best dad I can be...probably a lot better a dad than I was with my first two kids. And that is the challenge I am happy to face. I like a good challenge you see...

So even though I feel old at times, with aches and pains and moans, I am not THAT old. I mean Charlie Chaplain fathered a baby at 80something...but at least I will still be able to bend over and pick the baby up!

This week I am mostly listening to...

Thinks I am listening to this week...

1. Ladyhawke. The eponymous album (I have ALWAYS wanted to write that) is fantastic. in particular the songs My Delerium and Paris Is Burning. Great powerhouse pop songs that sound just fantastic as I am labouring with the washing up (whilst the better half enjoys Hollyoaks). It has a bit of a 80's/90's vibe. There is a hint of the over-dubbed harmonies of Wilson Philips in there...Ok maybe not Wilson Philips, but certainly The Bangles. With a harder electro beat in there. Retro but very, very cool. Instantly heading into my top 20 songs list.* Intersting story behind the singer/songwriter/performer too.

2. Little Boots. Stuck on Repeat. Little Boots (actually just one girly called Victoria Hesketh) is just going to be so big this year. It is like Kylie meets Goldfrapp meets Gary Newman. But better. And certainly better than you might think it would sound. I heartily recommend you give it a listen, and is available out there on legal free downloads too.

3. Mazzy Star. Give You My Lovin'. Yeah, Ok. So maybe it could be classed as Country and Western music...but the lazy, lazy gorgeousness of Mazzy Star's voice just makes this the perfect accompanyment to a wet and cold afternoon. To make the day perfect you need to have a snoozy partner on your lap and a good stack of reading material. And the central heating on...and a Hot Choc and maybe a pile of snacks...

4. Hard-Fi. Can't Get Along Without You. I know, they want to be the Jam, but that doesn't mean they aren't any good. I just had to buy this CD recently. I had it on an MP3 from last year sometime, but somehow I lost it...and then there was this shop - we'll call it Zavvi - who are closing down loads of stores and selling off stuff with a good 20-30% discount. Ok, so I feel like one of those people in the middle ages who moved amongst the bodies left behind after a battle and take all the valuables off the dead and dying...but I just can't stop myself...

5. Natalie Merchant. Life is Sweet. I absolutely LOVE Natalie Merchant. She is huge in the US, but hardly heard of over here in the UK. And that is both a good and a bad thing. Good cos I can introduce her to people and people go, "how good is she"...and we have a good old chat about her and then they go and buy her stuff and they love her too and I feel like I have brought something good and pure and wonderful into their lives...but Bad cos it means than Nat hardly ever comes over here on tour and although she is my favourite artist I have not seen her live yet. Another nice thing is that (at the time of writing this blog) I am her only follower on Twitter. She hasn't tweeted yet, but I am there waiting for her. Stalking? Did I hear that mumbled from someone at the back. Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. Anyway, this song is just so lovely and is one of the triumvirate of power songs off of the superb album Ophelia. (Buy Ophelia. Just do it. No excuses...go and buy it.) The other two songs being Kind and Generous, and My Skin. I am sure that they will appear on these lists in the near future.



*Top 20 songs list? Who has a Top 20 songs list? Me that's who! Want to make something of it...? Do Ya? Well?

New Camera

I received a nice new camera at Christmas and I am still very much playing with it.

Tonight I have been playing with the Aperture settings...taking some pics of Tee as she does the ironing over the other side of the room.

Anyway, this pic was amongst the ones I took.

And I am liking it very much.

Twitterland - update

Just as I thought. I mentioned yesterday that I was "following" Maggiethatcher over on Twitter.

Thought I'd check on her today and LO...the account has been suspended.

Another fake...as is Alansugar who @wossy has revealed is not Siralan. That had fake all over it - the profile pic even had a (C) sign down in the bottom tight hand corner. I mean if you ARE going to fake someone...then at least have a bit of imagination and TRY and parody. It was a shame that Maggiethatcher went cos there was potential for a good bit of parody there...

I am only hoping that @HolyGod is not a fake....I have asked for tickets to the Forest v Derby FA Cup match. They go on sale at 8am in the morning - and there are just 1500 tickets left, and I need three.

Here's hoping eh....

Twitter Fakery

Ok so I am a "newby" on Twitter and I have only just got my head around what it is...but there is fuss and bother in Twitter world tonight!

And it's over Fakery. The big news story was the appearance of David Mitchell (he from Peep Show and The Mitchell and Webb Look, and various panel shows on Twitter posting long and plausable messages (sounding very much like the character he plays in Peep Show - Including the fantastic Markish quote "Excellent, in my new found web empire I've just made a complete tit of myself.")

All was fine in Twitter land today until early afternoon when it was alleged that he was not real and after several bits of detective work it was outed (by no-one other that Jonathon Ross - @Wossy) as a fake and then the "real" David Mitchell turns up...with a MUCH more realistic picture of himself eating Pizza.

What does this all mean though. Girlonetrack (the Girl With a One Track Mind) has commented that "Thinking that celebrities need to be a bit more pro-active in how they control their online/social media identities. Ignorance = no excuse" but it is a bit difficult in this case. Particularly in Twitter land where all you need to register is a name. And an email address. And that is it.

Is she suggesting that celebrities all go out and find all the social networking/blogging/micro-blogging sites and register themselves? This is clearly impossible for a start...and why should they HAVE to? Let's not forget that The Girl herself was "outed" after she had tried to keep her online persona secret.

So what should the celebs do then? Yeah they have to protect themselves a bit more, but just how they do it is not so easy to do.

Like life...it's a bit more difficult than that.


(As an interesting aside I have started to follow "maggiethatcher" today...another fake? Or the real Iron Lady??? I will follow and see...)

Royal Rumpus

Ok, so I am going to join the Blogging community by putting in my ha'pennorth worth of opinion on the Prince Harry "Racist term" story.

Or non-story. I mean THREE YEARS AGO he said a word that was used within a small team that did not cause offence and was forgotten about. It just happened to be filmed "by someone using a camera for the first time" and was then again forgotten about for the aforementioned three years.

UNTIL someone obviously needed a bit of cash.

So I say this is a non-story - put into the press to raise a bit of cash for over something that NO-ONE complained over at the time (and not even Wossy can say that!).

Move on newspapers. Move along now, nothing to see here...

Twitter

I have discovered Twitter...and I love it...And I actually can't wait to get an iPhone so I can tweet more often!

I think this has made me into a Geek.

Speaking of geeking...I am going to take some more photos this week. I might go and play on the motorway over pass with the camera on it's low light settings to try and get some blurred light images. And then post them on here.

Ok so goals for this week:

1. To go the gym at least 3 times.
2. Take some cool photos on the low light settings.
3. Have lunch with the AOC on Friday. (Not in a "lets do lunch way...there will be more people there than just the two of us!)

Now they are published on the t'internet, I have to keep them!

Boredom

Yeah, that's right I am bored. Yeah I am in work and yeah I am bored.

I have had to bring in a Laptop for something to do as my work machine is "dead" as it has got this virus thing that has infected the work network...meaning that they have shut the network down so that even if MY machine was working then I still couldn't do anything!

Oh well. It's paying the bills. Even if it is rubbish. I mean I don't DO anything when I am actually in work anyway. I am slowly, every so slowly, just fading away and dying here.

I so want to be somewhere else - doing something else...but I have to stay here for another year; this year, until I can move again. Oh well, I am having February off for the baby, so that is a month less, and I am going to apply to move in June (having been here for a year, and giving them notice of 6 months) so I can get back to civilisation and to a job which MEANS something and gives me self worth as soon as I am able.

Oh well. Back to the grind. Well Lunch anyway, and I am playing football after lunch. YAY!

People

I went to the Bull Ring ths afternoon. That is not the way to spend a relaxing afternoon out. How busy can one place actually get? And how ignorant and rude CAN people be? I mean I saw a woman this afternoon actually walk in front of a group of other people heading for the exit doors...and cut them up so that she could get to the open door, rather than open another door herself.

Sheesh some people.

Oh and whilst I am on the rant mode. To whoever the girlie in the Call Center was this afternoon at 6pm who phoned to ask for "Natalie". Like I said, Natalie was not "unavailable" she doesn't bloody live here anymore. We do. Not her. Since when are people who have moved unavailable...sheeeeesh.